Saying Goodbye

All the Bronte sisters were writers, I think, though I’m much less familiar with Anne’s work.  It seems that sometimes, things come to your view when you need to see them, and this came to my view today.

Farewell       Anne Bronte

Farewell to thee! but not farewell
To all my fondest thoughts of thee:
Within my heart they still shall dwell;
And they shall cheer and comfort me.

O, beautiful, and full of grace!
If thou hadst never met mine eye,
I had not dreamed a living face
Could fancied charms so far outvie.

If I may ne’er behold again
That form and face so dear to me,
Nor hear thy voice, still would I fain
Preserve, for aye, their memory.

That voice, the magic of whose tone
Can wake an echo in my breast,
Creating feelings that, alone,
Can make my tranced spirit blest.

That laughing eye, whose sunny beam
My memory would not cherish less; —
And oh, that smile! whose joyous gleam
Nor mortal language can express.

Adieu, but let me cherish, still,
The hope with which I cannot part.
Contempt may wound, and coldness chill,
But still it lingers in my heart.

And who can tell but Heaven, at last,
May answer all my thousand prayers,
And bid the future pay the past
With joy for anguish, smiles for tears?

 

And I did need to see it.  Yesterday, I learned that one of the dearest friends I’ve made since moving to Nova Scotia what seems like a century ago has died.  I met her and her husband in my first year of undergraduate studies, back when I was a wide-eyed Political Science major.  Her husband was the campaign manager for a candidate, and from the start, it was clear that they were a team.  They were each other’s biggest fans, greatest supporters, and after a marriage of more than 5 decades, they were still in love with each other.

She held much of my history – she knew when I planned to get married (and threw a wedding shower for me).  She celebrated the birth of my daughter by walking up 7 flights of stairs to meet her (she couldn’t wait for us to get home but also couldn’t get on an elevator, because she was terrified of them).  When my marriage ended, she stood firmly in my corner, as good friends do.  And now, the only thing left for me to do is to say goodbye to her.

I remember (we both remembered) so many Wednesday evenings sprawled on her bed drinking tea and watching night-time soaps, because that was the night of council meetings, and we hung out while her husband was doing his civic duty.  We had the biggest laughs about things that really are unremarkable, but in the moment sparked some pretty raucous snickers.

She might well have been the most honest person I have known, but she was never a person who wielded honesty so as to cause pain.  She was filled with faith, both in humans and in God.  As she grew older, she became more frail, as will happen to many of us.  And if her world became smaller for that, her heart never did.  My life is richer for having known her, and I’m grateful to have called her friend.  My heart is bruised today, and I feel a bit dizzy sometimes as memories flit in and out of my mind unbidden.  But for all that, there’s not a single memory that doesn’t make me smile. 

Since March, we’ve seen each other a grand total of 3 times (thanks, Covid).  But every time we saw each other, and in a few phone conversations, our last words were “Love you…”  I’m gonna miss her so much.

This was my friend:  https://www.dartmouthfuneralhome.ca/guestbook/annunciata-nancy-withers